ASK MOTOMOM: You Don't Lose a Racer by Letting Them Be a Kid, You Lose a Racer by Never Letting Them Be One

Hey MotoMom,

Moto dad here, and I’m a little stuck in my own head.

Racing starts this week here in South Africa, and my son, who’s 11, just got invited to a birthday party by one of his close buddies. Of course the invite shows up right when things are finally clicking on the bike. Today’s ride was one of those sessions where you can feel the shift. He’s clearing doubles he used to struggle with, riding confident, riding happy. I was proud. Like, really proud.

Then the party invite came.

Now I’m torn. Do I tell him moto comes first and load him up for seat time? Or do I let him go be a kid for an afternoon, eat cake, and hang out with his friends? We’re not chasing a championship this year. It’s January. I know that logically. Emotionally, it still feels like a big moment.

And if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I want the track more for him… or if I want it because I love it so much myself. Probably a little of both.

He told me he can’t wait to tell his mate how he cleared both doubles today, and that hit me harder than I expected. Part of me hoped the party would just kind of fade away on its own. It didn’t. I felt disappointed, which surprised me.

I’ve seen kids burn out. I’ve seen one travel all day to a race with his dad and then say he “didn’t feel it” anymore. That scared me more than anything. I don’t want to push so hard that the joy leaks out of it.

I don’t want to set the tone for the year the wrong way. I also don’t want to look back and realize I chose the bike over everything else, every time.

So… what do you do when it’s not about points or championships, but it still feels important?

— MotoDad Racin' in RSA

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Dear MotoDad Racin' in RSA,

First, take a breath. You’re not messing this up. The fact that you’re even asking this question tells me you’re paying attention.

Here’s my honest advice: Ask him.

Not in a loaded way. Not with a speech attached. Just the facts.

“Hey buddy, you got invited to a birthday party, and we were also planning on riding. Which would you rather do?”

And then stop talking.

You don’t need to remind him how hard he’s been training. You don’t need to explain why racing matters or how opportunities don’t come around often. Kids hear all of that anyway, even when we think we’re being subtle. Give him the choice and let him answer without trying to steer it.

Once he makes the call, don't say "Okay but what if..." and try to change it if it's not what you wanted.

If you’re not comfortable letting him decide, then make the decision for him and let him go be a kid. A close friend’s birthday happens once a year. The track will still be there next weekend. And the weekend after that. And the one after that.

Motocross asks a lot of families. Time. Money. Emotional energy. Identity, sometimes. When kids are young, they don’t always know how to say “I need a break” without just shutting down completely. That’s why it matters that we pay attention to moments like this and protect them when we see them.

Letting him go to the party doesn’t undo the progress he made today. It doesn’t erase the doubles he cleared or the confidence he’s building. If anything, it reminds him that riding is something he gets to do, not something he’s trapped in.

Here’s something not said enough in this sport:

You don’t lose a racer by letting them be a kid.

You lose a racer by never letting them be one.

Motocross can be for life. But only if it doesn’t replace childhood entirely. Only if it stays something you do together, not something that consumes everything else.

If you’re unsure, let this one slide. Let him go eat cake (hell, you should get a slice, too). Let him tell his friends about the doubles. Let him come back to the bike because he wants to, not because it’s the only option.

The track will be there. The bike will be there.

Dirt bikes are for life.

Childhood isn’t.

And if you protect that now, odds are good he’ll want to ride with you for a very long time.

— MotoMom

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