ASK MOTOMOM: motocross, marriage and mothering from the margins

We're trying something new. I often get asked for advice about being a MotoMom, living in the motocross culture and what it means to be part of racing lifestyles. Today we start with our first advice column, Ask MotoMom, directly responding to our own readers.

Dear MotoMom,

I’m a newer moto mom, and I don’t really know where else to ask this.

My 8-year-old started racing about a year and a half ago. My husband raced years ago, took a long break, and now that our son is riding, the itch is back for him too. Hard. Suddenly it feels like motocross isn’t just a hobby. It’s our entire life.

Every weekend is the track. When we’re not there, my husband is watching races, scrolling videos, talking about bikes, parts, and race plans. It’s constant. Sometimes it feels like he talks to his moto dad buddies more than me. The shop has become like a second home, and I feel like a visitor in my own life.

Here’s the part I’m struggling with: I don’t ride. I don’t want to. I support my son. I love that he’s found something he’s passionate about. I even understand why my husband misses it. But I don’t want to spend every single weekend at the track. I don’t want motocross to be the only thing our family does or talks about. It's become the only thing we can afford!

Lately, I feel like there’s no place for me in this MX world unless I fully buy in. I don’t want to be the “unsupportive wife” or the mom who ruins it for everyone. But I’m exhausted. I miss parts of myself and family that have nothing to do with racing.

I also see the moto moms on social media who are fully immersed in it all. I’m kind of in awe and also, grossed out. Do I have to live at a training facility to call myself a moto mom? It feels like some of these women are giving up their own identities for a lifestyle that isn’t even about their kid anymore. I dont want that.

Is it selfish to want space from this? Is there a way to support my family without losing myself? Or is this just what life looks like now?

Signed,

A Mom on the Outside of the Fence

⸻

Dear Mom on the Outside of the Fence,

I know this terrain. Personally. Intimately. Not from the sidelines, but from standing knee-deep in it for years.

I’ve been all-consumed. I’ve watched friends and racing families get swallowed whole. I’ve seen marriages quietly reorganize themselves around motocross without anyone ever saying out loud that that’s what was happening.

So let’s start here.

What you’re describing isn’t a personal failure. It’s a cultural one.

Motocross doesn’t just offer a sport. It offers belonging. And if your husband is constantly watching races, texting riding buddies, living half his life at the shop, it’s not because he loves bikes more than you. It’s because he’s found grounding, identity, and community in a place that makes sense to him.

That matters.

Adult men, especially, are not exactly swimming in spaces where they feel competent, respected, understood, and connected. Adult friendships are hard. Vulnerability is harder. Motocross gives them a shorthand. A language. A place where effort equals worth and belonging is earned through shared obsession.

The same goes for your kid. He didn’t just find a sport. He found a world that sees him.

That doesn’t mean you’re required to disappear into it.

I'll give my personal opinion on this, too– a lot of the “all-in” moto moms you’re seeing online aren’t fulfilled. They’re coping. Some are trying to stay relevant in their marriage. Some are afraid of being labeled unsupportive. Some are clinging to identity by proxy because it feels safer than asking who they are outside of racing.

And yes, some have given up pieces of themselves they didn’t realize they were allowed to keep (others revel in all of the moto-ism and I support them in it!).

You are not wrong for noticing that many moms of moto are also swimming upstream. Your discomfort is data.

You do not need to live at a training facility to be a “real” moto mom. You do not need to make your child’s sport your entire personality. Your paycheck can go for things beyond the parts counter. And you absolutely do not need to martyr yourself on the altar of motocross culture to prove you care.

Supporting your family does not mean forfeiting your autonomy.

This isn’t about pulling them out of motocross. It’s about refusing to let motocross be the only place meaning exists in your family.

Right now, their cups are full. Yours isn’t.

That imbalance will eventually cost you something if it’s left unspoken.

You’re allowed to say:

Not every weekend is a track weekend.

Not every conversation has to be about bikes.

Not every ounce of emotional energy goes toward racing.

You’re also allowed to go find your own grounding and community, even if it has nothing to do with motocross. Especially if it has nothing to do with motocross.

This doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest.

Moto can be part of your family without becoming the thing that consumes it. I’ve seen what happens when families course-correct early. And I’ve experienced what happens when they don’t.

You’re not asking to take something away.

You’re asking to still exist.

That's not only reasonable. It’s necessary.

See you Sunday (maybe take this weekend off),

MotoMom Court

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